12 Good Reasons for being Aussies

1. We are Aussies, oy oy oy, and not bloody Poms or Kiwis, though we have Poms and especially Kiwis bludging on our Oz welfare system.

2. By per population we are the world's best sporting nation. See our Olympic Games and para-Olympic Games records. We strike fear in the hearts of American swimmers and those Pommie cricket wimps . Oy oy oy, Aussies!

3. We like heros so we would quickly label every sports person, especially cricketers, a hero at every opportunity even if one was just a horse - Phar Lap.

4. We will vote for a Republic only if Shane Warne (cricket bowler) (this guy is an absolute disgrace) Australia's cricket captain can be President. Too bad Don Bradman is dead, unless we revise the proposed republican constitution to allow a dead man to be President.

5. On the other hand, we are monarchists because we have so many queens - a German who rules in England, an Aussie who will be Queen of Denmark, and many more at the Sydney Mardi Gras.

6. We think all our politicians ('pollies') are crooks and all our sports people are heros; that is why our PM wishes he is a cricketer, and some cricketers want to be pollies.

7. We are law abiding people - we jail people for one year if they steal a bottle of cordial (it's just a bloody coincident if they happened to be aborigines), but lightly slap their wrist if those senior management of big companies steal billions.

8. No one can threaten Australia, except the boat people especially if they are turbaned people. Our Government told us al-Qaeda terrorists actually prefer to travel by rickety leaking boats across thousands of shark-infested waters to reach Australia illegally, rather than fly legally by business class air travel, yes, even though they have money for the latter.

9. We get to blame everything on the boat people including our low birth rates - well, they bloody affect our sex drives.

10. We Aussies believe that pissing beer is more interesting than sex.

11. We claim Kiwis to be Aussies when they become famous (eg. Jane Camplin, Russell Crowe) but pointedly label them as sheep-bonking Kiwis when they've screwed up (eg. Jane Camplin, Russell Crowe).

12. We are a proud democratic nation with a constitutional monarchy, where our Head of State lives in Washington DC.


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